LAID OFF

Aaarrrggh, I've been laid off. Ok this is old news. I was laid off two weeks ago tomorrow. But I was laid off, just the same.

So this leaves me with the age old question, one I thought I wasn't going to have to ask myself:
"what am I going to do when I grow up?"

I want to be a singer. Bottom line...that's my goal. I have this stupid stage fright thing only in front of friends and family. Oooh they just love that. They love that I refuse to sing for them but can sing the National Anthem in front of thousands of people at baseball games. I think they're insulted. Ok let me 'splain. When you sing in front of thousands of people, or in a dark theater or room, you don't have to look people in the eye. When you're on the field at AT&T Park in San Francisco, you're dozens of feet away from the nearest person. It's much easier, really...for me, anyway.

I don't know that I like having people look right into my soul when I sing. I don't know, that's the only way I can explain it.

So I'm looking for a band. I've said it before...I don't want country, metal, or Sleater Kinney. No no no no no. No Sleater Kinney.

And I'm looking for a job that will pay me well and not make me sit at a computer all day. Is that so much to ask? What is there to do that won't make me type......all....day......oh crap I'm typing right now. ili will kill me. I'm going, I'm going.

Aaaarggh how is a person supposed to search for a job or communicate without a computer these days????????????? And don't tell me to use the phone...no one answers, least of all me.

Ha ha...take care,
~J~

Going Crazy

Hello, my name is Jadyn, and I think I've lost my mind.

So here's the deal: I am one of the most bubbly, obnoxiously positive, "up" people that most of my friends and family know. They think it's annoying that I am THAT happy all the time.

Well it's changed lately. I have entered the much-feared Land of Depression, and I sure as hell hope I can find my way back out. Rage seems to be my latest symptom. I won't go into vast detail, but I'll just say that the drive to work this morning was sufficient to ruin my whole day. I will be going to lunch, and I'm determined to throw this morning in the trash along with my coffee cup.

Ok let's just go into SOME detail. How does crying, primal screaming, yelling, pounding, and choking on myself sound? Yeah...it sounds about as fun as it actually was.

I am tired of everything. I am tired of being poor, I am tired of my chronic arm pain, I am tired of outrageous gas prices, I am tired of TX drivers, and I am tired of my boss/coworker (I title her that way because she rarely acts like my boss) not giving me the review and raise I was promised back in January. I am tired of being bloated. Oh did I mention that I'm late for my period, and that it's definitely a factor for my serious decline in attitude? How long can one person PMS????? Plus, my cat, Boo, loves to walk all over me at night and snuggle, but she has no clue that little kitten feet and sore boobs do NOT mix. They have been sore going on a week now. When will I bleed??? Goddammit!!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaah!!

Gas is breaking me. I am seriously thinking of selling my car and buying a scooter. Actually, ili and I are one step away from selling her car altogether. She gets to ride DART for free as an El Centro student, and we can share my car if necessary. We really are thinking of getting a scooter for short trips, etc. Much lower gas mileage, and WAY cheaper than a car.

So anyway, today sucks. I hate Tuesdays anyway. Can I pleeeeease just go back to bed and wake up tomorrow? Please?

~J~